Gayfeather Thickspike

An Announcement!

2006-10-17T18:27:08Z

If you care - after my latest round with crazyass, I'm moving back to the uberaeryn journal and will delete this one (AGAIN) after I get what little fic there is here moved over there.

Whew.

Let me know whether you want to stay friended or defriended as the flist over there is completely confusing and I might cut or add someone without their consent.

"Back in the boat, lads, we've gone 'round in a circle."

*sigh*

sweet_crazyass @ 2006-10-02T09:53:00

2006-10-02T14:54:59Z

God, I'm crying at the drop of a fucking hat lately.

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2006-10-01T15:31:31Z

Premiere week starts RIGHT NOW!

New videos from Bruce Springsteen and KEITH URBAN ON THE CMT TOP TWENTY COUNTDOWN NOW NOW NOW!

The blonde is gone, I don't know what color that is - kinda looks purple.

O_o

Need an updated icon.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

New(ish) Television Vices

2006-09-24T12:13:13Z

America's Next Top Model. God. I'm in love - with Nigel Barker.

I'm also kind of in love with Tyra Banks, what IS the world coming to?

***

Project Runway.

Top Chef.

***

The Flavor of Love.

***

Eureka is so damn cute I can't hardly stand it - doesn't David Greenwalt have something to do with it?

***

Dirty Jobs.

Yesterday I was DEE-pressed, but I flip to the Discovery and lo and behold, a Dirty Jobs mini-marathon.

AND MIKE ROWE WAS NEKKID IN PRACTICALLY ALL OF THEM!

*sighs happily*

They also showed clips from the episode where he went noodlin' (NEKKID), but those were some teeny catfish compared to the ones my nephew's hauled out of the water.

And he made jokes about lube, for God's sake. I shall have that man as my own, I do hereby swear it.

PIMPAGE!

2006-09-22T23:01:59Z

I meant to do this WEEEEEEEEEEEEEKS ago. Maybe even MONTHS!

But elcazavampiros has done a lovely, funny and also kinda *awwwwwwww, I MISS MY DED GAY SHOWS* "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" meets "Les Miserables" crossover-type thingy. Check it out, I DO HEREBY COMMAND YOU!

Les Miserables de Sunnydale

***

And I gotta say - Josh Holloway always looks pretty. But for some reason he looks especially pretty in 'Live Together, Die Alone,' even in the gag.

Actually, the more I watched it while making my vid (here's the link, SELF-PIMP), I still think Foxy looks goofy. BUT - the gag combined with the crazy-eye? HOTZOMGSOOOPERHOT.

If he wasn't a foot taller than me and didn't outweigh me by a hundred pounds and he wasn't married and I wasn't married and we were in the same geographical location and he was even remotely interested, I'd grab his no-hair having self and throw HIM up against a wall.

Just sayin'.

cough

2006-09-22T18:28:11Z

Ummmmm, yes. Another video-type thingy.

Spoilers for 'Live Together, Die Alone.'

And, uh, set to the soundtrack of 'Once More, With Feeling.'

*hangs head in shame*

Sorry. Srsly.

NOT!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

JOSS WHEDON AND TEH HATCH MONKEY PWNS ALL, ZOMGZ!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv3bfii-Kh8

There are some REALLY pretty shots of Josh, if that will make you forgive me. But just in case -

*zips lips over plans for 'Rest In Peace' and 'I've Got a Theory' and runs like HELL*

In case you missed it . . .

2006-09-21T11:49:46Z

It's all over my flist, but just in case - someone uploaded the latest Lost promo at YouTube. Spoiler warnings all over the place, natch.

Clickety-click: Two weeks!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2006-09-21T11:43:32Z

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*DEEP BREATH*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

That is all.

*diez*

CRAPPY ICON TIME!

2006-09-20T22:33:24Z

Take 'em if you want 'em!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

GIP

2006-09-20T17:42:57Z

Heh.

DVD stuffs

2006-09-20T12:40:12Z

Somebody needs to put Carlton Cuse out of my misery. He should never never never never NEVER EVER be allowed to do commentary again, good grief.

I vote we put Jack Bender in charge - I actually like him. Plus he made wig jokes, that means he's totally in with me.

O_o

2006-09-20T11:10:12Z

NO!

*beats bunny to death with a baseball bat*

I don't know if it's because I recently saw bits and pieces of 'Three Men and a Baby' or because I read 'The Kid' by Dan Savage, but my muse is poking at me. About Cowboy Jack and Sawyer suddenly finding themselves guardians of a little girl.

*sigh*

I don't drink, but apparently my muse still does. WTF?

"Concrete Sky - 1/?"

2006-09-19T21:41:54Z

Title: “Concrete Sky – 1/?”

Fandom: Lost

Pairing: Jack/Sawyer

Warning: Adults only; language and sexual situations.

Notes: Future fic. Spoilers for S2 and mild spoiler speculation for S3.

***

Jack was cold.

He wore only boxers as he lay in the dark of his silent house, splayed across the sofa with bourbon close at hand, and he shivered. His memories of the real world had been of air conditioned cool but nothing like this – this chill was razor-edged, it sliced and sank deep into the flesh and spread throughout his body.

He didn’t bother to get up and check the thermostat. He was too tired – skin and muscle lay heavy on his bones, weighing him down.

Besides, he knew that the cold was coming from within him. It was the frigid feel of uncertainty – adjusting the temperature would do nothing to ease the ache.

So Jack was wide awake when he heard a soft metallic click, then the sound of the lock of the front door being jimmied and with apparent expertise.

He moved quickly, grabbed the nine millimeter that was always close at hand and backed up flat against the wall just beside the door, his heart pounding as the knob turned slowly. He tried to quiet the sound of his breath, rapid and ragged, as the door opened.

He waited, every sense heightened by a rush of adrenaline, and time became distorted, slowed – the figure that slipped into his house moved slowly, Jack moved slowly to grab him from behind by the collar and slam him forcefully into the wall, face first, gun tight against his temple.

So slow.

Hands came up, spread wide, surrender and as the rush began to subside Jack was overwhelmed by scents both foreign and familiar, felt the brush of hair against the back of his hand.

Then recognition.

He let go, staggered back a step and lowered the gun and waited, heart beating even harder and breath completely gone.

Sawyer turned, moving carefully, then fell back against the wall once more and stared at Jack but didn’t speak. There was no need; it was all there in his eyes.

“It happened again,” Jack whispered hoarsely.

Sawyer spoke with difficulty and in spite of himself, Jack knew, but it had to be said. “Doc. It never stopped.”

Jack stared. “What . . . it’s been almost two months, Sawyer, and it never stopped?”

Sawyer didn’t answer because he had collapsed.

***

The weeks after their return to the encampment had been tumultuous, full of upheavals both physical and emotional. Kate had moved with fluid ease to Sawyer’s side and Jack had watched and Jack had hurt. He had tried not to dwell, had tried to hide the hurt and the anger and the jealousy, had tried to keep things moving forward.

It was so hard, watching them, but as the days passed he became uncertain as to why it was so hard. Change of some sort, a change which he refused to acknowledge and instead he threw his mind and heart and body into work.

The nights might be too quiet and too cold and too lonely, but there was always work. He allowed it to seduce him, its siren call by now so familiar and he welcomed it as his lover as he had so many times before.

But still he watched.

Then suddenly, just as quickly as Kate had fallen in with Sawyer she had fallen out, and she came to Jack tentatively. Sawyer had forced her away, she said, but that wasn’t the point. Something was wrong.

Jack almost laughed. She was here again and again on Sawyer’s behalf.

“Just . . . Jack, something is wrong. I know I’m the last person you want to hear this from but he needs help. If you’d been paying attention you would know that already.”

But Jack did know. He had been paying attention, even though he hadn't wanted to.

***

Jack watched him.

For reasons Jack didn’t understand, Sawyer had moved. He’d picked up all that he had and had set up a few yards away from Jack.

So for several days, Jack just watched.

They never spoke and Sawyer never looked him in the eye. But soon Jack noticed that occasionally Sawyer cast quick and furtive glances his way, as if to make sure Jack was still there and was still watching.

He was withdrawn, spoke to no one. Jack saw that he ate little, if at all, that he slept fitfully during the day and paced nervously at night.

And he kept looking over his shoulder, peering into the jungle as if something or someone hid there, waiting.

At first Jack thought he was still troubled by their time with the Others, that somehow the fear that they might return had become intensified for Sawyer, exaggerated. Understandable, Jack thought, but not eating or sleeping was taking its toll. Sawyer had lost weight and his eyes were dark and shadowed.

Jack began staying close, letting Sawyer out of his line of his sight only when he was forced to do so.

And he was disturbed that on those occasions when he did have to leave, Sawyer followed, found meager excuses to be wherever Jack happened to be.

Jack’s concern changed to a worry that gnawed at him. Something was definitely wrong.

***

Jack was startled awake one night by the sound of someone blundering into his tent, and Jack was already reaching for the gun he no longer had when he heard Sawyer’s voice, heard him curse and then collapse to the ground, his breath fast and ragged.

Jack moved, threw open the flap of the tent to allow the light from the fire outside to illuminate the cramped and sparse shelter that constituted his home and was able to see Sawyer, who sat cross-legged and with his forearms resting on his thighs, head down and hair in his face.

He moved, sat across from Sawyer and they spent several seconds in silence as Sawyer fidgeted and Jack waited.

“What is it? Are you finally ready to tell me?” he asked, trying to keep his voice level and even.

Sawyer’s head came up and Jack was again shocked by the change in his face – skin seemed stretched tight over bone and his eyes were wild and shadowed a deep indigo beneath.

“Sawyer – ”

“I saw something,” he said flatly. “In the jungle and more than once.”

Jack’s skin crawled.

“What was it? Them? They said – ”

“My dad.”

Jack lost his breath, flung back in time briefly to the days immediately after the crash when he’d pursued his own father through the jungle and had almost died doing it. He was brought back to the present by Sawyer’s bruising grip around his wrist.

“Jack, he . . .” He trailed off, swallowed hard, fighting some internal battle, Jack thought.

“What, Sawyer, he did what?”

“He was there, looked just like he did last time I saw him, except he was smilin’, half his skull blown away and one eye gone and blood everywhere but he was still fuckin’ smiling.”

Jack frowned, confused. “Blood? Sawyer – ”

But the words now fell unceasing, rapid fire and tinted red with hysteria.

“And he was talkin’, he kept talkin’ and he kept on fuckin’ smilin’, said he always knew I’d never amount to shit and that I sure as hell didn’t disappoint, that for all he knew that thievin’ son of a bitch Frank Sawyer really was my father, wouldn’t surprise him because she’d always been a whore, said that I had to be that asshole’s kid ‘cause I’d grown up to be just like him, apple don’t fall far from the tree, pullin’ the same deals and causin’ all the same trouble and that it was a good thing he’d killed that cunt because I probably would’ve ended up fuckin’ her, too, said he knew I wanted to, he actually said that, Doc, said it, said that I wanted to fuck her and then fuck her over just like my real daddy did and he had that goddamned gun, said he was here to finish what he started that night – ”

“Sawyer!” Jack barked, almost frantic and completely confused. He grabbed Sawyer by the shoulders and shook him roughly. “What in the hell are you talking about?”

Sawyer pulled up, pulled back, shrugged off Jack’s touch and then smiled bitterly. “Ain’t it obvious? Daddy’s home.”

***

It took a long time, the telling of it was disjointed and often confusing, but finally Jack was able to put together the pieces of what had happened to Sawyer as a child. But he didn’t have time to process his shock and sympathy because Sawyer’s panic set in again.

“He’s here,” Sawyer snarled urgently. “He’s here and he’s followin’ me, I ain’t makin’ it off this rock or even through this week because he’s gonna fuckin’ kill me, he said he was goin’ to and he’ll damn well do it – ”

“Stop it, Sawyer, just stop it. Please. Calm down, we’ll figure this out.” Jack grabbed his pack and searched for tranquilizers or liquor. Both, he decided, given Sawyer’s current state of mind.

Sawyer shook his head in disgust. “You don’t believe me. I knew you wouldn’t, knew nobody would. Doesn’t fuckin’ matter though, can’t stop him anyway, couldn’t stop him then and can’t fuckin’ stop him now – ”

Jack turned again to Sawyer and placed both hands on either side of his face and forced him to meet his eyes. “I believe you saw him, Sawyer, I do. I’ve . . .” He paused, closed his eyes and caught his breath, reluctant to speak of it. “I’ve . . . I’ve seen things, too, okay? But you haven’t been sleeping or eating and your perception is off, right now I need you to calm down.”

Sawyer looked at him, his eyes still wide and wild with fear, and Jack dug into his skin, hard, hoping to bring him back to now and felt the fierce pounding of Sawyer’s heart underneath his fingertips even through the flesh of his scalp.

“Now breathe, okay? Deep and slow.”

Sawyer still stared, the look in his eyes almost vacant, as if he didn’t understand what Jack was saying and then he inhaled and exhaled, a long shuddering breath that sounded almost like a sob.

Something ached in Jack’s chest and he realized he was frightened. Not just because of Sawyer’s story, which was bad enough in and of itself, but because he had never seen Sawyer like this, cowed by the fear of ghosts, convinced his father had returned to murder him, had intended to kill him that night so many years ago and had clawed his way back from the grave to finally do so.

“All right, good, that’s better,” Jack said quietly as he saw the panic ease. It wasn’t gone, though, he knew. It had simply receded, hiding in the darkness of Sawyer’s heart. This was only retreat and it would be all too brief.

Jack returned his attention to his pack and then handed Sawyer two pills and a bottle of scotch. Sawyer stared at them and Jack felt for an instant that he could read his mind – if he was fucked up then he would be an easy target.

“Go on. You can stay here tonight if you want, I’ll watch.”

Sawyer stared at him and Jack nodded his encouragement. Still Sawyer hesitated and Jack realized he was waiting for a promise.

“I swear, Sawyer. I'll watch.”

Finally Sawyer swallowed, reluctantly, eyes locked with Jack’s the entire time.

Jack sighed. “Good. Now tell me everything, one more time. Go slow.”

***

It had happened several times over the course of about three weeks. There didn’t seem to be a pattern, with one exception – it always happened at night.

Jack sighed and ran one hand over his close-cropped hair. “He can’t actually hurt you, Sawyer, at least not physically.”

Sawyer smiled, and everything about it was ugly and terrible and wrong. “Yeah? That right? Then what in the hell do you call this?”

He tilted his head to the side and shoved back his hair. There were marks, raw and vividly colored, on Sawyer’s neck.

“Had to piss, thought I was okay, close enough to to the beach, to the fires, to you but he got me, got me by the neck, one hand around my throat and the other with that .38 to my head.”

Jack’s stared, eyes wide, overwhelmed with shock and anger and a fear so deep it chilled him to the core.

“You do see it?” Sawyer asked, almost begging.

Jack nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“I was just a kid, Jack, what in the hell did I do to make him want me dead?”

Sawyer’s words, and especially his tone, slid around Jack’s heart and twisted painfully – this was Sawyer, it was Sawyer’s voice, but it carried the echo of the plaintive and decades-old cry of a little boy who was hurt and lost and confused and scared.

“Why does he hate me so much?”

Jack winced, at both the words and at the pain in Sawyer's voice.

He shook his head. He had no answer, because there simply wasn’t one.

***

TBC

Random - S to the PICY!

2006-09-18T22:50:33Z

Random Thing One: I am so easily amused - I don't know who sees the hysterical Sonic commercials with the two dudes selling hamburgers and breakfast burritos, but the latest one that I've heard only on the radio is the best yet.

Dude 1: This (whatever spicy new hamburger or something) is awesome.
Dude 2: It's S to the PICY!
Dude 1: What?
Dude 2: It's S to the SPICY!
Dude 1: What are . . . oh, SPICY, I get it. Way to go, Sonic.
Dude 2: Come on! S to the PICY!
Dude 1: I don't talk like that.
Dude 2: C'mon, it's my birthday in three days, S to the PICY! S to the PICY! C'mon, for the Teejer's birthday, S to the PICY!
Dude 1: Okay, okay s to the picy.
Dude 2: Yeah, HA! DORK! You're D to the ORK!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am so using that from now on as my favorite insult - D to the ORK!

Random Thing Two:

Why is it that I have no problems with the terms Spangel, Spuffy, Spander, Skate or Jate but JAWYER BUGS THE EVERLOVIN' HELL OUTTA ME? Oh, well, too late. It is firmly embedded in fandom lexicon - I must deal.

Random Thing Three:

I'm not checking my flist due to spoiler phobia. Most people are great at using cuts but when you wrap your reaction around the cut, and we already have an idea of what you like and what you don't, it gives the bare bones of the spoiler and makes me anxious. Sorry!

Random Thing Four:

This weird thing happened today where I sat down, and my fingers moved all over this thing that I think is called a keyboard, and BAM! words appeared on the screen, and they were words about Jack and Sawyer! And they were kinda porny! What the fuck is up with that?

*geez, I hope I didn't just kill my muse*

Random Things Five and Six:

I had two Lost dreams in a row, one with both Foxy and Josh NEKKID (but just nekkid, no sex, but hey! NEKKID!) and Josh won, if you get my meaning, but just barely. I know he won because I looked very closely.

In the second one I was at the movies with Josh. STILL no sex but I'll take what I can get.

BOOK REC! The Devil In the White City by Erik Larson. Sue loaned this to me and I LOVED it, historical NON-FICTION but it sure as hell doesn't read like non-fiction. It's about the Chicago World's Fair in 1893 and all the wacky that went on in it and around. Very good.

A JATE Video???

2006-09-17T20:49:04Z

From ME?

Yep, I done JATED it up all over the place, will wonders never cease.

I'm kinda proud of this one. I absolutely adore the song, 'Rain' by Patty Griffin (although there's no rain in the actual video), but it is ANGSTY, lemme tell you.

But it's JATEY! And het as HELL, so there and double neener and stuff. ;)

And yeah, a special guest appearance by Christian.

The direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2fgp-lRk3w

HAPPY ANNIVERSARIES, alliecat8!

2006-09-16T13:32:44Z

ETA: In case the player doesn't work, here's the direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHy-wB7xNJs

Let me know if there are any problems, besides the obvious one, me not being such a great vidder. ;)

***

This isn't nearly as cool was what you gave me (which I snuggle all the time) and it's WAY late, but my original project is still on hold because my wingman is still overloaded with work, so instead I offer you this!

A happy, silly and kinda craptastic Jack and Sawyer VIDEO!

It's really just a mish-mash of clips from Season 2, no narrative at all and badly edited, but it's got tons of wet and sweaty and nekkid and grrr and guns and booze and SEX!

It's my very first attempt at vidding, so I apologize for the quality. But I've been unable to write, so I couldn't give you fic, and like I said, my other sooper sekrit project is on hold. Thank you so much for being such a great friend, a great writer, and especially for putting up with my chronic case of crazyass.

*SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH*

The Song: "Let's Be Friends (Skin to Skin)"
The Artist: Bruce Springsteen
The Album: The Rising

*huge apologies to Bruce and Foxy and Josh, but it was fun. :P*

And Allie, I hope this at least makes you smile!

There's another version I made for dial up, but the video and audio is way crappy. It is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYtT5iuPuMo

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-15T16:08:00Z

HELP!

What in the hell is the name of the episode with Jack in the shower???

BOGGLES

2006-09-12T13:07:03Z

Oh, Stephen King, you DO make me BOGGLE. I BOGGLE in CapsLock, no less.

Old news to some, but cut just in case.

*BOGGLEBOGGLEBOGGLE*

Wow.

I've loved the Dark Tower series ever since I read The Gunslinger and got caught hook, line and sinker. Those books were much different than his usual fare, something about his use of language changed or maybe it was the appearance of characters much more deeply drawn than those in anything of his I'd read previously.

I'll read anything Stephen King writes, sometimes it's great and sometimes it ain't, but I can't put a Stephen King novel down if I TRY, doesn't matter whether I'm liking the plot or not. He's just a good storyteller even when something's off about the characters or the horror/creep factor.

Now on to the boggling - he began to mention himself and his work ('Salem's Lot comes immediately to mind) and to work it into the arc of the Dark Tower series way back when, Wolves of the Calla, maybe? Earlier? Well, from the very beginning, I guess - the man in black was Randall Flagg. I know he referred to almost all of his novels throughout most of the series but they were incorporated as part of the story. But then, bam, Stephen King is suddenly a sort of character himself, albeit one who's offscreen, so to speak.

But I was FLOORED when he wrote himself as meeting up with his own characters in Song of Susannah. FLOORED. Dumbfounded. THEN STEPHEN KING KILLS OFF STEPHEN KING AT THE END OF THAT NOVEL!

*BOGGLES*

And then he appears again in the final book, forces his characters (who hate him, heeheehee) to rush to save his life when he gets mowed down by the van. And he has Jake die (AGAIN, for the third fucking time) doing it.

THEN he cuts back to himself, an entire scene about Stephen King having just written that scene about Stephen King, where he wonders why he wrote it that way and thinks boy, are the readers gonna be pissed.

(And sobbing. At least I was, so hard I gave myself a headache.)

And he leaves clues for his own characters from himself! *BOGGLE*

As narrator he sometimes uses 'I', refers to the reader as 'you,' explains during the OMGWTF parts that he's simply telling the story as it happened, not because he likes it but because that's just the way it was/is.

(Quick aside: He also POV hops quite a bit, something I never noticed before. But he does it well, he swings the action to that character first before sliding into that POV. It's not nearly as jarring when done that way.)

In his afterword he explains using himself as a character:

"There's a smarmy academic term for this - metafiction. I hate it. I hate the pretentiousness of it. I'm in the story only because I've known for some time now . . . that many of my fictions refer back to Roland's world and Roland's story. Since I was the one who wrote them, it seemed logical that I was part of the gunslinger's ka. My idea was to use the Dark Tower stories as a kind of summation, a way of unifiying as many of my previous stories as possible beneath the arch of some uber-tale. I never meant that to be pretentious . . ."

Well, 'pretentious' was exactly what I thought when he popped up in Song of Susannah, as did arrogant son of a bitch and balls of steel and absolutely fucking brilliant, because I totally bought it. I didn't want to buy it, but I did, he sold it and sold it well.

Another thing I found interesting, and he mentions it in the quote above, is that, with the exceptions of Carrie, 'Salem's Lot, The Shining, The Stand, The Dead Zone, Firestarter and Cujo, he's listed every fucking thing he's ever fucking written as being part of the Dark Tower series.

And his choices there are odd, too, especially since characters from 'Salem's Lot and The Stand are MAJOR characters in the Dark Tower series.

*MORE BOGGLING*

Now I must wail - ARGH! JAKE! EDDIE! AND ESPECIALLY OY, THAT WAS PARTICULARLY UNFORGIVABLE, SOB SOB SOB!

But, damn good storytelling. I can't believe it's actually over.

Well, kinda over, that coda was punch in the gut.

Fascinating. I wonder what the dude who ran him over thought about the whole thing - I seem to remember reading in interviews that their conversation after the accident went a lot like the one they have in the book.

I boggle and I ponder.

And I say again that, overall, this monstrosity of a series was fucking amazing.

It's a Dirty Job . . .

2006-09-07T17:45:30Z

And I can't seem to do it - WHY can't I find nekkid pictures of Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs?? I know he got nekkid in Hawaii and in South Africa, but all I can find is stuff like this, which is plenty hot but not nekkid:

Dudes, so hot. I have a crush on him that's beyond ridiculous. And he sings opera! And he's single! FUCK YOU, KEITH URBAN, I'M THROWING YOU OVER FOR MIKE ROWE!

But seriously, I want the nekkid. Or caps from the episode where he and the crew got attacked by the monkey.

And why has my font inexplicably changed to Times?

SPAM, THE BITCH IS BACK! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mega Huge Kinda Random Post!

2006-09-07T15:27:06Z

I've been the worst LJ-er EVAR!

I've missed birthdays and anniversaries and haven't answered comments - I suck ass. But I've been wrasslin' with real life, trying to sleep through the month from hell (August), quit AA and instead am now using Rational Recovery, which is a GOOD thing. I'm proud to say this is the longest I've gone without a drink in about a hundred years.

YAY!

Apologies all over the place and I'll try to do better, I swear.

Now on to the fun stuff. While trying to distract myself from writer's block and stoopid real life, I've been having some WAY GAY ADVENTURES. Or at least, I've been trying to have some WAY GAY ADVENTURES. It's been kind of hit and miss.

Teh gay porn is fun for about five minutes, so I've been looking for some way gay films that might be fun for at least a half hour. I haven't been that succesful.

We don't get LOGOS, we get HERE, which is gay pay-per-view and nothing above an R-rating. AND IT SUCKS! Most of the time.

A Shock to the System:

This is a made-for-television gay private detective movie, which I thought sounded interesting, and I guess it was in that it explored the idiotic theory of 'reparative therapy' if a person has come down with a bad case of the gay. The mystery itself was good enough, the lead character was well-played, but the few love scenes were boring and the guy playing the boyfriend was apparently under the impression that he was Alexis Denisof and that his character was Wesley. I kept expecting him to break out the English accent and the books and do some research. Yeesh, if Alexis Denisof were dead, he'd be rolling in his grave.

But like I said, it's a made-for-television movie, and that's exactly what you get in terms of acting and writing and production.

Beastly Boyz:

A gay horror movie! That sounds interesting and new, yes?

Erm, NO.

O_O

There are no words for how absolutely and completely TERRIBLE this piece of shit is. It's like bad gay porn only with worse acting, worse writing, and absolutely no sex at all. Not even any nudity. Bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD - the only feeling of horror it engenders is that I paid $3.99 to see it.

Did I mention it was BAD?

*shudders at the memory*

Although it might be fun to get together with a bunch of people and MST the hell out of it. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!

Come Undone:

I've recced this one before. I loved it, even though it's French (Kidding, I love the French). Two young guys and a kind of coming-of-age (pun intended) story, with actual depth and decent writing and nice acting.

And HOT, WAY OF TEH HOT! Much more graphic than I expected, but the sex is always hotter when there's emotion as its foundation.

If you go looking for the DVD, don't let the cover art fool you. It's darker and more angsty than you'd think.

Brokeback Mountain:

Two young cowboys . . . oh, wait. You guys have probably already seen that one, haven't you? :P

More of the WAY GAY, in book form.

Drawing Blood and Lost Souls by Poppy Z. Brite

I've no idea why it took me so long to read Poppy Z. Brite. I mightily enjoyed both of these. The plots can be kind of flittery (Drawing Blood = vampires, Lost Souls = haunted house), but Brite is great at creating characters you fall in love with, and both books had so many hearclutch-type characters that any weaknesses in the plot were easily overlooked by me.

If you're looking for sex, there's plenty in both. Lost Souls is much more graphic than Drawing Blood.

And now, THE ALL-TIME HEAVYWEIGHT HAPPY HAPPY FUNTIME BEST WORST BUT STILL THE BEST AND REIGNING CHAMP WAY GAY BOOK IN THE WORLD - The Back Passage by James Lear.

A murder mystery! An Agatha Christie-type murder mystery, set in the 1920s, with the typical English countryside and in the typical Sir Whoever's manor.

It begins as most murder mysteries do - WITH MURDER! What makes the beginning slightly different, however, is that the typical bloodcurdling scream that announces there has been a typical murder happens while our hero is trying to give his roommate a completely atypical blowjob while they're hiding in a cupboard.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Come on, just look at the title. HEE!

This book is just so ridiculous but still SO MUCH FUN, with murder most foul which you completely forget about because you get whisked away with all the fucking. LOTS of fucking - our hero is most definitely a slut and can't seem to pass a man on the street without somebody's dick getting plenty of graphic and happy attention.

Seriously, there's got to be more sex in this book than a person can actually have in the space of two days, but I suppose that's the whole point. It's definitely a frolic, lightweight and fast and funny - the author obviously doesn't take the whole idea that seriously and there are puns galore.

Again, this book was LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN, sex of all kinds and in all kinds of places, and interesting ideas as to where to hide evidence.

*snort*

But by the end, I had taken a huge liking to the slutty hero and was surprised by the sweet, emotional resolution.

And there's a pretty naked blonde man on the cover. READ IT!

Then there's THIS:

*GIGGLESNORTFLAILDIE*

I haven't read this and there's no way in hell I'm going to, but LOOK AT THAT!

It's an actual historical gay romance, which , judging from the reviews, is apparently your usual historical romance and follows the usual historical romance novel formula, just with the chick turned into a dude. Supposedly quite serious and not at all smutty - BUT LOOK AT THAT!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thus my icon!

*IZ DED FROM TEH LAUGHING*

You can search for it on amazon.com, if you dare! ZOMGHAHAHAHAHAHA!

***

So that's the state of me and some recs and non-recs.

How're YOU doin'?

*zomgthatcoverarthahahahahahahahaha!*

ARGH!

2006-09-06T14:56:29Z

DVDS ARGH HELP!

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH JACK'S CONNECTION THAT LEADS TO THE CREEPY SCREEN WITH THE CREEPY THING THAT LOOKS LIKE IT'S OUT OF 'THE RING' OR SOMETHING??

Do I actually have to go through ALL that crap to get it to play?

And I totally missed that Sawyer's one night stand was the Lottery!Chick - cool.

BUT HELP WHAT THE FUCK IS UP???

Blooper Love

2006-09-05T18:06:29Z

All right, hand 'em over - who's got the BLOOPER ICONS??

Also link me to any Matthew/Josh RPS that's blooper inspired.

SQUEE.

DOUBLE SQUEE.

I love you, man.

One more bit of random . . .

2006-08-28T15:37:29Z

So we're down to eight planets now?

We've got the most boring solar system I've ever heard of! And I've never heard of any!

"It's a fucking rock, Neil."

"But it's moon rock!"

"Listen, we wanted diamonds, sherbert or a squirrel with a gun! This is rock! Have you heard, Neil? Rock's gone up 80 points on the stock market! No, it hasn't, has it? Because it's fucking rock."

*snorfle*

In which I randomize . . .

2006-08-28T15:04:57Z

August is a weird month for me - my mother and my nephew both died in August. Now add to that my former brother-in-law (who wasn't exactly a class act but he did leave me with two great nieces) and the ensuing three hour phone call from my youngest niece who is so drunk and drugged-out and, of course, bawling so hard that I can't understand her and . . . wheee.

But hey, eight-year wedding anniversary smack-dab in the middle of all that!

*eyeroll*

It's a hard month for me to feel celebratory - we need to get re-married so we can change the date. Halloween would be good. And also appropriate.

Anyway, a question, does anyone sell their used books on Amazon? Is it worth the trouble? I'm not looking to make a profit, just to sell as many as I buy and hopefully break even.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd . . . I cut off all my hair. GONE. Shorter than it's been in eons.

/random

KEITH URBAN UPDATE!

2006-08-25T22:49:00Z

Oh, come on, you knew it was coming.

(I warned about the spam, didn't I???)

Anyway, I FINALLY heard the new single from the new album. Called 'Once In a Lifetime' (which made me think, Talking Heads? Keith is covering the TALKING HEADS? COOL! But it's an original), VERY good and I didn't pout ONCE even though it's all about getting married and having babies and all that bullshit.

Okay, it's NOT bullshit but I have my issues with Keith, mmmkay?

The only thing that made me pout? No banjos. I would NEVER EVER EVER have said four years ago or so that a lack of banjos would make me pout, but here I am.

ALL of my favorite Keith Urban songs ARE HEAVY ON THE BANJOS! Or the ganjos or whatever in the hell he's playing now!

Anyway, he's obviously heading for the adult/pop/harmless/catchy/Top 40 category and I wish him luck.

But I still miss the damn banjos.

To hear it, clicky. 'Once In a Lifetime.'