"Whisper Through Skin" - Continued - Gayfeather Thickspike
sweet_crazyass
sweet_crazyass
"Whisper Through Skin" - Continued


Jack returns, as always, but now he crawls inside Sawyer’s tent as if he's been expected, and he has been.

He lies easily against Sawyer and he speaks. Voice and touch.

It's obvious why he's here, and a
t first Sawyer tries to shake his head, refuse, make him leave but he can’t form the words.

 

He won’t form the words, he no longer wants to – he’s missed the scent and the feel. It’s all that he can use to see Jack now.

 

And he knows now that  this is not pity, or comfort – it’s need, from both sides.

 

From the start, Jack had said, and Sawyer knew, and this is why he’d been waiting for Jack. For this. 

 

He waits, for Jack to touch him, not to speak but to touch, and Sawyer finally grabs his hand, impatient, hungry, and rubs his cheek lightly over Jack’s knuckles and then grips his hand tightly.

 

Jack freezes, then sighs, relaxes, speaks again. But this time the touch is much different.

 

His fingers slide lightly over Sawyer’s face, and still he talks, and Sawyer feels a shiver of pleasure at both.

 

Jack moves again, mouth ghosting over and over again against his ear, whisper soft and breath hot, and his tongue tastes him, in touches that are too short and not nearly enough, then he sinks his teeth slowly into Sawyer’s neck, sucks gently.

 

Too much, too intense, he shudders, feels it, it flares high and waves of it thrum through him forcefully at the simple heat of Jack’s mouth as it whispers wetly through his skin and surges through his body – it makes him ache, makes him hurt.

 

Then Jack’s hand again, careful circles of his fingers, so familiar now, that touch of his fingers, coarse and dry but easing in steady circles over Sawyer’s collarbone and then beneath his shirt, a sandpaper rasp against his shoulders and down his chest, teasing, staying within the boundaries of his half-buttoned shirt until his palm flattens against the area just below his ribcage.

 

Sawyer forgets to breathe.

 

Then Jack’s fingers again and Sawyer finally understands as Jack speaks faintly against flesh, moves ever downward and then one finger slides across Sawyer’s stomach as he talks, just one word but said again and again.

 

please.

 

He’d already said ‘yes,’ by his own touch, but Jack needs more, needs to be sure.

 

Sawyer grabs the sides of Jack’s head, by feel he frames his face with his palms, Jack’s beard rough on his hands and he pulls him across his body, weight and warmth and Sawyer sighs, he feels it, it’s deep and ragged and he kisses Jack, or tries to, but Jack is already there, mouth eager but his tongue teases, dips inside to brush against Sawyer’s own, but then he pulls away, murmurs against Sawyer’s mouth before his tongue slides wetly inside again.

 

“Wait.”

 

He moves, rolls, sits astride Jack while he struggles with his shirt and Jack rips off  his own, then his hands find Jack’s face, thumb sliding across his mouth before his hands move lower, across shoulders and down arms and then back to his chest, and his fingertips slide over the coarse hair there. He feels Jack breathe, as he waits.

 

Sawyer braces himself, both hands on the ground and lowers himself until they’re face to face and chest to chest and he groans, almost too intense to take, all this sensation, all this touch, different touch, he shatters underneath after having gone without for so long and he slides up and down the length of Jack’s body, breath quickening at the friction and the hardness of him, of all of him.

 

Then he wants taste and so he does, tongue sliding along Jack’s ear and then to his neck and Jack’s hands are in his hair, urging him on, and he tastes sweat, clean, the salty taste of hard work and under his tongue Jack’s skin is rough, his beard, and then he moves lower, his mouth following the touch of his hands on Jack’s body.

 

Sawyer feels it on his lips and then Jack is pulling on his hair, tells him what he wants by the way he moves, the way he breathes.

 

More.

 

Sawyer shifts, lifts his head up to taste Jack’s mouth again, his own still wet and hard and Jack keeps him close and Sawyer refuses to let go of the taste of him, his tongue seeks and he tastes, over and over, and he feels it as Jack flings one knee out wide and pulls Sawyer up between his thighs.

 

Sawyer he presses down with his hips as Jack thrusts up with his own, and Sawyer throws his head back.

 

“God. God . . .”

 

Jack’s mouth is at the base of his throat and he sighs in agreement, it feels like a soft noise against Sawyer’s skin but it’s low, seems to come from deep inside him and he moves again with his hips and now the noise is louder, comes from both of them, and Sawyer drifts in the dark but he sees, sees Jack with soft eyes but his face sharp-featured with need.

 

Not the same but good enough.

 

Sawyer shoves against him again and this time doesn’t stop, it’s fast and hard and Jack’s hands run roughly and hurriedly down his back, he pulls him close and he pushes upward and then bites down, just below his collar bone and another noise of need is vibrating through Sawyer’s flesh.

 

Jack forces him up, unfastens both pairs of jeans and then his hand is around them both and Sawyer arches into it, fuck, so good, fuck, then he moves faster and turns his head so that Jack’s mouth is again pressed against his ear, breath hot and wet and he’s speaking, his words sliding into him

 

Sawyer groans, he moves, he smells and he feels and he tastes but most importantly he hears, through his skin, he hears Jack groan, hears him sigh, hears him come and for now he’s lost in the hot and tangled language of Jack’s body.

 

***

 

It hits hard and with a clarity that stuns him, that hurts, slams down upon him like a sledgehammer, suddenly but not necessarily unexpectedly – he’s known this was coming, some part of him already knew, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.

 

But he needs to hear it, even though he already knows.

 

He needs to hear it and he needs to hear it from Jack.

 

So he asks.

 

“It’s not coming back, is it? The truth.”

 

Jack hesitates, briefly, and then speaks with both words and touch.

 

no. i don’t think so.

 

A long silence, and deep within Sawyer envies, hates, rages.

 

He grieves, a grief more deep than he’d ever experienced – death, however brutal, is expected.

 

This type of loss never is.

 

you all right?

 

Sawyer laughs, feels the tinge of bitterness in it, but still he laughs.

 

“Hell no, I’m not all right. Stupid fuckin’ question.”

 

Jack is silent.

 

I know. i’m sorry.

 

Sorry. Sorry is all well and good but it doesn’t help one damn bit, doesn’t change a fucking thing.

 

“Just . . . get the fuck out of here, leave me alone for a while.”

 

Jack again hesitates, he wants to touch or comfort, Sawyer thinks, but that’s the last thing he wants from Jack right now and he stiffens, draws up his knees and wraps his arms around them tightly, hopes Jack will take the hint.

 

He finally does, Sawyer feels him leave.

 

Alone now, Sawyer has no idea what to do. This is it, he thinks, the end of the line, black upon black and no escape now, none.

 

Just this, for the rest of his life.

 

It’s almost impossible to comprehend – a life void of sight and of sound.

 

He could rage at the unfairness of it all, he could hate those who have what he doesn’t, those who take it for granted, he could curse a God who would do this, he could hunt down Jack and make him pay for not figuring it out, for not fixing it.

 

He could give up.

 

Sawyer sighs, knows he doesn’t have the energy for any of it and so he falls on to his side and waits, for what, he doesn’t know.

 

He wipes at unseeing eyes but refuses to weep again. That’s done, over – no more grieving.

 

He feels as if he’s been hollowed out, empty, not only did he lose his sight, his hearing, but everything he had left, everything that had made him who he was, good and bad.

 

He’s drowning.

 

He wonders how he could drown in nothing at all.

 

***

 

His dreams begin to change.

 

They become brighter, colors more vibrant and sounds more beautiful than anything he’s actually ever heard.

 

But now, even as he falls into a world of voices and words written and music and the roar of the ocean, it lurks, in the back of his mind and he knows. Even as he dreams, he knows.

 

He will wake up to darkness and silence and the harder he tries to stay in his personal nightscape, the more of it he loses –  it slips away, ghosts of memory.

 

He’d told himself he would not grieve, not anymore.

 

But it’s there, in the place he’d once sought refuge, it is there that he still mourns.

 

***

 

Nothing changes.

 

It happens again and again with Jack, and when he’s in the middle of it he feels fiercely alive and his determination returns, but only during those times when they’re wrapped tightly around each other.

 

Otherwise, nothing changes.

 

The heavy black in his eyes refuses to lighten, the heavier silence refuses to lift.

 

He still doesn’t know what happened and neither does Jack.

 

Sometimes he still hopes, but hope itself starts to quiet, starts to hide itself in the dark of his mind.

 

The idea of death no longer seems quite as frightening.

 

Sawyer thinks Jack knows this even though Sawyer hasn’t said it, but Jack tries harder, becomes harder, convinced but also desperate that he can somehow bring him back.

 

He tries harder with words and touch, more work with the cane, wants to give Sawyer a sense of independence, something to keep him there, because he knows he himself isn’t quite reason enough.

 

Sawyer plays along, goes through the motions and feels Jack’s worry, his hurt, regrets it.

 

But still nothing changes.

 

He now dreams constantly of the sea.

 

***

 

He lies to Rose.

 

Of course he's good at lying and she believes him and she leaves, sure that he’s fine.

 

He tells himself he’s saving her needless worry.

 

***

 

Too long since this has happened. It’s been much too long.

 

His brief reprieves when he’s with Jack are just that, reprieves, and then he sinks back down, into himself, nothing much left there anymore and again he wonders at this feeling of drowning, drowning in nothing.

 

He should fight, he thinks, he’s always fought.

 

His fingers sift in sand and he smells the sea.

 

He decides.

 

***

 

He’s alone now, he’d followed the edge of the water until he couldn’t walk anymore and no one had stopped him, apparently more confident in his abilities than he is. He sits in the surf, feels the sun setting, sees it the way he remembers it.

 

This is as close as he’s gotten to the water, he’d been too embarrassed or too angry or too busy and he’d never asked Jack to dive into the surf with him or watch from the beach as he swam alone.

 

He shouldn’t have to ask, shouldn’t need a babysitter.

 

He’s so fucking tired, the anger and frustration and fear and grief combine but then disappear and he’s exhausted, numb.

 

The ocean foams around his feet, tempts him. God, he’s missed this, even more than he’d realized. The dreams hadn’t even come close.

 

And it wouldn’t be that hard, he thinks, he just has to dive in, swim hard and fast, leave the cane and the soft echo of words whispered through his skin behind and let the water take the rest of him, pull him down into its dark depths which mirror his own and set him free.

 

He stands slowly, feels the water call to him and he steps forward, once, twice, and the sea urges him on and then he’s up to his chest, ready.

 

Standing unsteadily in the water, he feels the rhythm of it and his body sways with it and he’s ready, he thinks, he wants to.

 

But he doesn’t.

 

As he wades back to shore he wonders if this makes him a coward.

 

He refuses to think further than that and reminds himself the water will always be there, warm and welcoming, waiting for him when he’s ready.

 

He’s decided, he knows and then his mind takes him further, out and down and deep, then gone. Free.

  

He follows the water’s edge, which he can neither see nor hear, and ignores the inviting pull of the ocean and instead lets the memory of something warmer and solid and strong draw him back into the world of the living, at least for now.

 

Long enough for goodbye.

 

He stops abruptly at that thought, blood pounding, and then decides suddenly there will be no goodbyes, he’s never said goodbye before and that part of him he assumed dead comes roaring back to life.

 

Life. It’s his fucking life and he refuses to live it like this, and this is his decision.

 

He wants the hell out of the never ending silence, the black that is so black he’s sometimes too frightened even to move.

 

So he’s leaving; fuck life and everything it’s ever handed to him.

 

Even Jack isn’t strong enough to pull him back now.

 

He turns back toward the ocean, runs into it, dives and swims.

 

He knows Jack will never forgive him.

 

But Jack will at least remember him, the good and the bad.

 

The sea welcomes him – it becomes his again and in turn reclaims him as its own.

 

He swims hard, out and then down and then deep.

 

And then he’s gone.

 

***

 

End

64 Got Lively or Lively Up Yourself
Comments
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[1] [2]
eponine119 From: eponine119 Date: July 4th, 2006 12:17 am (UTC) (Link)
This was beautifully written -- the words you use, the way you use them. I respect your choice to end it the way you did, and I think it was a brave choice as an author, but it's left me feeling very disturbed. Which was probably the intent.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

*cling*

This wasn't the ending I had in mind when I started it, but Sawyer kept sinker deeper and deeper and wouldn't come back no matter how hard I tried.
jenthegypsy From: jenthegypsy Date: July 4th, 2006 12:54 am (UTC) (Link)
It had to be this way.

Not the coward's way out, but the only way out, and if some can't understand why, then they need to read this again, from the beginning. You have set it all out for us; we've lived in the silence and the black, we shouldn't have expected anything else.

You set the roller coaster in motion with Rose. I laughed so hard at this exchange:

“I don’t want – ”

what you want is to be up and out of here on your own. this will help. use it or i’ll use to beat the hell out of you.

“You’d beat a poor, blind man with a stick? You’re a mean, bossy old woman.”

But he smiles and ducks, expects to be cuffed again but instead he’s tight in her embrace and she rocks him, side to side in the type of hug he’s not experienced in he doesn’t know how long, then she lets him go.

use it. because i am a mean, bossy old woman who would beat a poor, blind man with a stick.

He doesn’t doubt it.


And yet, with every mention of the sea of his dreams, my fear increased, but so did my resignation.

It had to be this way, and you did a damn fine job of making sure that a bit of my soul went down and deep and into the dark with him.

sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:36 am (UTC) (Link)
I had no intention of ending it like this, because I usually love the fluff and the schmoop, but this version of Sawyer would NOT come back.

I've killed off characters before but only one other time did it hurt like this to write it - OUCH.

And again, thanks so much for reading!
alliecat8 From: alliecat8 Date: July 4th, 2006 12:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Many times, when I read something heartbreaking, I'll say it made me cry. Usually, that's an exaggeration...I almost never cry. I'm crying right now. I have a feeling you are, too.

This was so, so beautiful and so, so moving. The ending feels appropriate, though it's shattering. I'm really too broken up to be articulate right now, but I do want to tell you that I agree with Megan, I respect you for making the tough call and ending this fic the way that it needed to end. Even though it hurt.

*hugs*

(Now I'm going to go hug you more in email.)
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:39 am (UTC) (Link)
*huge hugs back*

Thanks again, for this and all that other stuff, too. ;)

I've killed one or the other of them more than once but this was almost as painful as killing cowboy!Jack. GUT PUNCH!
fosfomifira From: fosfomifira Date: July 4th, 2006 01:48 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm broken. If family hadn't interrupted, I'm sure I would have broken down and cried. I don't know why it hurts so bad, considering that I haven't been too kind to Sawyer myself. How could it not hurt? How could someone not feel the pain of being dead in life and yet not being dead enough?

Like others have said before, this was the way it had to be. Anything else would have been a happy, but cheap way out. Out of character, unrealistic. The situation was absolutely hopeless and nothing would ever be enough to convince Sawyer, he who is so vibrant, so alive, that his almost non-life is worth living.

What he and Sawyer shared, I can't call it love. Sawyer was a shadow of a person, and what things he could feel for Jack would always, unavoidably so, be tainted by his situation, by his death in life sentence. It would never be enough.

I think I'm gonna wait until the family goes to bed, find a quiet corner to sit in and cry.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:42 am (UTC) (Link)
When I started out I was headed for a happy ending, or even just an open ending, but Sawyer dug in his heels and refused to move.

Thanks so much for reading, I appreciate it.
isis2015 From: isis2015 Date: July 4th, 2006 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
Honey, no one can break my heart quite like you can. I echo the previous sentiments that this is the only way this could have ended, and it's tragic, but fitting. It's heartbreaking. But it's also unbelieveably beautiful.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much!

*HUGS*

It wasn't what I started out to write but that's where it seemed determined to end up.

*sigh*
invisiblelove From: invisiblelove Date: July 4th, 2006 02:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh goodness, I kept waiting for Jack to come rescue him, but it just couldn't be that way. Sawyer just would have tried it again. That was gorgeous. The way you communicated the emotions with so little dialogue was just fantastic. Amazing stuff.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. :) And I tried to keep it open-ended but it wouldn't cooperate. Sometimes fic just won't do what I tell it to do.
(Deleted comment)
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow, thank you!

I tried to end it differently but it refused. Sometimes they do that to me, they just won't cooperate at all.

Thanks again. :)
ficangel From: ficangel Date: July 4th, 2006 03:54 am (UTC) (Link)
I love this. I...I honestly don't know what else to say than that. The ending was perfect. Of course Sawyer would have to end it like that, on his terms and waving his middle finger at the universe.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 11:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Sawyer would have to end it like that, on his terms and waving his middle finger at the universe.

Word.

You know how I love the schmoop but here he refused to schmoop. Or even stay alive, stubborn son of a bitch.

Thanks. :)

*SMOOCH*
laliu From: laliu Date: July 4th, 2006 04:14 am (UTC) (Link)
this is remarkable in how it takes us so many places--fear, hope, laughter, sorrow--and all of it in a way that gradually and believably builds upon itself up to the devastating ending. and of course i jumped on the bandwagon and cried. incidentally, the other day, i caught part of an old b/w helen keller movie on pbs, and strange of stranges, thought of this. there's something so moving about the struggle to make contact with the world, the fight to make it, which you've conveyed to great effect and translated into wonderfully dark j/s. *loves*
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, thanks so much! There was definitely some Miracle Worker influence here, just because I couldn't figure out any other way for them to communicate. I was initially going to use this for Desmond. But then I wondered how Sawyer would react to the situation and even though it wasn't quite what I wanted, he went there, anyway.
keyweegirlie From: keyweegirlie Date: July 4th, 2006 04:20 am (UTC) (Link)

I....ummm...

I...well...I'm kinda speechless right now, hang on a sec...

This was so beautifully written from the beginning all the way to the depressing end. Truthfully though I'm not sure I can even say that the ending is depressing, because at least now Sawyer is free again. The rare moments of sight and sound were so stunningly written, that I wonder if it really happened, or was Sawyer just imagining them...

You know that I'm a Sawyer girl through and through, but you've made me feel sad for Jack just at the thought of your Jack losing Sawyer. But I also feel happy (maybe that's not the right word)...but, I feel happy for Sawyer, because now he's free..

Good job Blondie,
~Cassie
*hugs&kleenex*
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:04 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: I....ummm...

Thanks. :) I've killed both of them a couple of times before but only this and one other made ME cry.
cynthia_arrow From: cynthia_arrow Date: July 4th, 2006 06:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Do you know how you can be holding in a lot of things, then you'll read or watch something that breaks it all open and pours it out of you?

I'm still crying.

Thanks.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Do you know how you can be holding in a lot of things, then you'll read or watch something that breaks it all open and pours it out of you?

Oh, yeah. Not too long ago I rented 'Brokeback Mountain' and watched it FOUR TIMES IN A ROW and cried harder each time.

I ended up feeling better, though.

Thank you.

*loves*

zelda_zee From: zelda_zee Date: July 4th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
I needed some time after reading this before I could comment, b/c it is so completely devastating. Even tho I knew that it would end that way. As it turned out, knowing that didn't make it any easier I still sobbed and sobbed. And now my eyes are burning, but at least all that crying's over & I can tell you that this is a really amazing story, riveting and fascinating and uncompromising. It's the kind of story I could never write, and it seems that those are the kinds I admire the most. It's really too overwhelming for me to pick out parts to quote, and I'm already getting all weepy again, so I'll just leave it here and say that this is an amazing piece of writing and you are an amazing writer and I love you.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.

*HUGE HUGS*

This was almost as hard to write as killing Cowboy!Jack. I fought with it for a long time but then gave up. It's like Sawyer wouldn't have it any other way.
astra2104 From: astra2104 Date: July 4th, 2006 07:42 am (UTC) (Link)
This is it. Reading your fic makes me cry. But in a strange way it also makes me happy, because how can can you not be happy when you read something so beautiful and delicate.
I don't even wish for another ending, because some stories "deserve" a sad ending, as stupid as that sounds.
He knows Jack will never forgive him.

But Jack will at least remember him, the good and the bad.


Still wish he would have said that goodbye though. *cries even more*

And how masochistic is it that I love you for doing that to me...
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
This ending happened in spite of me - I started out going some place much different and then ended up here.

Thanks and *SMOOCH!*
cynicalcylon From: cynicalcylon Date: July 4th, 2006 09:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Firstly, just read the whole thing at once & I can tell you that was a very bad idea first thing in the morning.
Especially as I hafta leave the house, and hafta do so with puffy eyes *sob*

Secondly, this was absolutely beautiful & sad & moving & depressing.
Fantastic imagery & I actually love the way you ended it (despite the blubbing...).
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry!

And thanks. :)

*SMOOCH*
coco_waters From: coco_waters Date: July 4th, 2006 02:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
You broke me.

*sobbs*

All right, I'll try to get myself under controll again. I won't say that the ending made me happy or that the storyline didn't leave me with a lump in my throat that was entirely good. But then again, that's what some of the best things do to you - break you down into a sobbing mess that uses half an hour trying to figure out what to put in her comment. And let me just say this so there's no misunderstanding. Thoguh sad, achingly heard to read, it hurt in a good way. And that's good writing to you. I needed a good cry anyway.

*loves*
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I appreciate it.

It was hard to write, too, and I was crying by the time I was finished.
kattahj From: kattahj Date: July 4th, 2006 03:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, ouch.

Unlike, it seems, most of the commenters, I didn't see that ending coming - I was more worried that you'd slap on a happy ending like so many ficcers tend to do. This was... well, coming to think of it, a lot of Lost fics tend to be rather dark, so I guess I should have expected it. And it is very Sawyer - he's not exactly Mr. Silver Lining, is he? Even after that touch of hope last time... yeah, I can see this happening.

I'm not crying yet but probably will soon. I think I'm still a bit stunned.

Don't get me wrong, I loved this part as well, it's beautiful, and immensely touching, and a brilliant artistic choice. It's just the emotional, non-artistic part of my brain that selfishly doesn't want Sawyer to die.
kattahj From: kattahj Date: July 4th, 2006 04:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just recced the story. I'm still in too much of a daze to be quite coherent, but a little bit more so, at least.
burntcopper From: burntcopper Date: July 4th, 2006 04:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Owwwww. I started to see the ending coming, but I kept expecting you to change it (read too many where there's a miraculous healing at the last minute, but the fact you kept it as not going to change was better), and when he stopped himself I thought it would end there, but nice one, and a great last bit.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll admit, I tried to change it, more than once, but it wouldn't let me, like it had a mind of its own.

Thanks!
gottalovev From: gottalovev Date: July 4th, 2006 05:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
this was an amazing read. I ache and I'm crying and I don't know what to say. I think I'm just too stunned. makes me want to hug you really really hard. *love* ♥
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much, darlin'.

*HUGS*
cmonkatiekatie From: cmonkatiekatie Date: July 4th, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I read this yesterday and I sort of couldn't find the right words. And look at that, I still can't. So watch me screw this up: It was beautiful and so so powerful and I think the only way it could have gone.

sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nothing screwed up at all about your feedback - thank you!

From: julyqueen Date: July 4th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whoa. That was so beautiful. The helplessness and the despair just really got to me.

He will wake up to darkness and silence and the harder he tries to stay in his personal nightscape, the more of it he loses – it slips away, ghosts of memory.

That was just one of many parts that stuck out.

It just goes to show how varied all these fics are. Loved this :)
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Eeeeeeeee, thanks!

I kind of feel guilty for doing all those terrible things to Sawyer.

*feels guilty*
gonattsaga From: gonattsaga Date: July 4th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
.....wow.

I honestly did not see that one coming....
It was awesome and beautiful, but damn you shocked me. I was not prepared to get my heart broken! Oh well, I'm being being melodramatic, but hey, that's the thing nowadays right... no, seriously. Great story. Very angsty and poetic. *thumbs up*
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much. Even I didn't see it coming and when I tried to turn it around, it wouldn't budge.

Thanks again!
From: flohkatie Date: July 4th, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
"So much for my happy ending". What can I say, your story is really affecting me in a very disturbing way. I'm so sad it had to end like it did, even though I know, you were building it up from the get-go. I always have a hard time to accept that there is no other way out at least for a character like Sawyer. Now I' m all churned up inside.

Keep up the great work!
On a sidenote I only registered to give you a feedback.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
On a sidenote I only registered to give you a feedback.

Really? Wow, thanks! But I guess I should turn off the anonymous posting thingy.

As for Sawyer - I messed with that ending for hours but no dice, it's like he insisted on ending it this way.

*sigh*

Thanks again!
inthekeyofd From: inthekeyofd Date: July 4th, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
See how this fic broke me, I had to delete my other comment because I thought there was more.

This story literally killed me, I mean, if anyone reads this and can't feel what Sawyer is going through, then I don't know what is wrong with them.

OH MY GOD, Sawyer is vulnerable, but at the same time this is the when he really needs others the most and his mask has to come down, and it's Jack that he needs more than anything, he is his life line, his touch stone.

I love your writing, you know that, and this story is a PRIME example of why!!!!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Broke me, too, but Sawyer wouldn't do what I wanted no matter how hard I tried.

THANK YOU!

*hugs*
From: mld13 Date: July 4th, 2006 11:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, this story broke my heart. It really did.

I just...went numb. Throughout the story, I was dragged further and further into Sawyer's world. And I kept hoping for a happy ending. But I knew that it couldn't. I knew. But still, I was hoping.

And the ending, while I saw it coming, just wrecked me. In an entirely powerful way. It speaks volumes to your writing ability.

Thanks for this lovely story.

PS. Have been reading your journal for a bit and would love to friend you. Hope you don't mind. :)
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much! I usually only do happy endings, so when something like this comes along I end up crying myself.

Me = LAME

Thanks again!

*goes to friend back*
pellamerethiel From: pellamerethiel Date: July 5th, 2006 12:39 am (UTC) (Link)
I was devastated by this beautiful piece of fanfiction. I'm kind of a dreamer, so I hoped that maybe he will try to go on with Jack and Rose on his side, but it would be too hard for Sawyer; he had his own choice to make, but I'm feeling sorry for Jack, who would be totally devastated by this. ;(
I don't know what else to say.
I really loved this fic.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 5th, 2006 12:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. :) I started out with the idea of a happy ending, that's all I usually write, but no, this one didn't cooperate.

Thanks again!
64 Got Lively or Lively Up Yourself
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