UPDATE New Fic: "Whisper Through Skin" - Gayfeather Thickspike
sweet_crazyass
sweet_crazyass
UPDATE New Fic: "Whisper Through Skin"

GOOD CHRIST! I haven't even replied to the comments to Part One and I'm already posting Part Two. SORRY!

Title:
Whisper Through Skin - 2/3

Fandom: Lost

Pairing: Jack/Sawyer

Warning: Adults only, language and sexual situations. Spoilers for S2, speculation for S3.

 

Part One is here.

 

***

 

He’s startled awake by pain and hands working efficiently to change the dressings on his foot and calf.

 

His fist comes up and his mouth starts to open, still half-asleep and angry that Jack has returned, angrier still that Jack has ripped him from his dreamworld, that place in which he seeks refuge because the colors become increasingly more vivid and the sounds crisp and clear.

 

But then there’s a hand tight around his wrist, cool and smooth, stopping him.

 

It’s Rose. Not Jack, but Rose, and he relaxes somewhat.

 

“Sorry. Thought you were – ”

 

He winces, more in surprise than in pain, when she cuffs him on the side of the head.

 

i don’t care who you thought i was you raise that hand to me or anyone else again and i’ll damn well knock you into next week have i made myself clear? you’ll mind your manners around me and everyone else i’ve had enough of this foolishness.

 

It takes a long time for her to say it and by the time she’s done he’s almost smiling. He’s received his fair share of scolding from her, almost everybody has, but he can’t remember ever hearing her curse and certainly never saw her hit anyone.

 

He, of course, would be the first.

 

He knows he must have really crossed a line, in her mind, and he almost feels guilty, as well as amused, and then all he can think is that he’s desperate to know what she looks like, hands on her hips, maybe, or perhaps shaking one finger at him, fire in her eyes and mother to the entire camp but right now mother only to him.

 

Suddenly he’s homesick. For home, not just for civilization but for home, or rather the place that had been home for too short a time.

 

She finishes tending his foot and then he feels her moving, shifting slowly until they’re side-by-side, then one arm slides around his shoulders and she presses him against her, comfort, which he hates because to him it means pity, but which he also welcomes, why, he doesn’t know, and the discomfort and confusion make him hold himself stiff.

 

But he doesn’t pull away, either.

 

The homesickness intensifies when he feels her breath stirring his hair, he knows she kisses him affectionately and that hurts, so much it almost makes him sick. Then she speaks, twice at once, both with her voice and with her hand.

 

it’ll be all right. i know you don’t believe me but it’ll be all right. whether or not you get it all back, it’ll be all right.

 

His throat tightens so he moves out of her embrace, turns his face away, and her hand runs over his hair once, twice, before it settles on his shoulder.

 

i’m leaving. i know how stubborn you boys can be about letting a person take care of you but you remember what i said. i will knock you into next week.

 

She emphasizes the word ‘will’ by digging hard into his palm as she spells it out. He does smile at that, reluctantly.

 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

that’s better. and it will be all right.

 

He doesn’t respond and she leaves with a final touch on his hair, and he’s left both relieved and aching when she’s gone.

 

For the first time he understands how important that touch is, it frees him from the jail cell his mind has become, freedom, short-lived but still freedom, he’s outside of his head and back in the world of the living.

 

It’s important. Which means that he needs it.

 

He hates needing anything, always has.

 

Now he’s back in his prison of silent black, dead or may as well be, he thinks, and that part of him that always fights to stay alive no matter what recedes and he considers actual death, if he could possibly manage to make it happen and how.

 

But what if death is simply an eternity of this, dark and silence and only himself and his demons for company?

 

***

 

For one night and one day he drifts, interrupted only when someone brings food and water or asks if he needs help, with his foot or anything else but he doesn’t answer, he keeps his eyes closed and pretends to sleep and they leave eventually.

 

He’s not sure if he’s trying to get used to this or if he’s on the verge of giving up, but he doesn’t care. He’s quit trying to see or hear and now he’s wrapped himself up in it, lets himself just be in it, become it.

 

Sometimes he wonders where Jack is.

 

Sawyer hopes that he won’t come back but still waits for him, anyway.

 

***

 

When Jack does return it’s as if a storm hits.

 

He bulldozes into Sawyer’s tent that night, disrupting his odd sense of calm, drags him outside as Sawyer kicks at him, curses, and then Jack shoves him roughly on to his back before he grabs his wounded foot and props it one thigh.

 

The hate and the anger surges again.

 

“How about you quit fuckin’ around with my damned foot and try to do somethin’ about this? Foot will be fine, I need this, I want this back! Seeing and hearing again, that’s all I give a shit about – take care of that!”

 

Everything goes still, and Jack is silent for so long that if his hands weren’t still on his leg Sawyer would’ve thought he was gone.

 

“Got no answer for that? Can’t do anything about it, just givin’ up and leavin’ me like this? Or maybe you don’t want to do anything about it – this your fucked up way of makin’ me pay? Then consider me well and duly punished, you goddamned son of a bitch, guess I’m not fuckin’ good enough for you to – ”

 

Jack wraps his hand around Sawyer’s wrist, so tightly that it hurts and he feels bone grind against bone, and he drags Sawyer to a sitting position and then he talks.

 

this might be it. your future. may have to stay like this so just fucking deal and quit feeling sorry for yourself.

 

Sawyer sees then, but only rage, red ramping up quickly to white and he whips his leg away, ignores the pain and gets both knees under him and he reaches out, fumbles to get some hold on Jack and he does, pulls him down and on to ground and blinded by something else entirely he just moves, thought falls away and he just moves.

 

He has no idea how long it lasts or exactly what happens, but the pain in his hand and the scent of blood in the air and Jack’s body as it heaves underneath him tell him enough.

 

feel better now?

 

Jack’s words hurt almost as much as Sawyer’s hand does, it feels like he tears the skin of Sawyer’s palm as he speaks and Sawyer tries to yank his hand away but it feels as if his wrist is in a vise.

 

“Yeah, I feel a hell of lot better, you asshole, but I wish I could see the damage, that would make me feel even better – ”

 

Jack rolls unexpectedly and hits Sawyer once, hard, and Sawyer almost enjoys it, thinks again that pain is real and unfiltered, goes straight through, and now he tastes blood, his own.

 

too far, both of us never again. never. understand me?

 

“Yeah, I fuckin’ understand, but you keep it in check all you want, doesn’t mean I have to, doesn’t mean I won’t do it again – ”

 

Jack disappears, the weight and heat of his body gone, leaves him alone and bleeding on the ground.

 

Sawyer stays there, wipes at the blood flowing from his nose with his shirt sleeve.

 

He stares up at a night sky void of stars or moon and drifts again.

 

***

 

what in the hell did i tell you?

 

Rose again, furious, he feels it, and she works quickly to wash his face and takes care of his foot, then she’s gone again.

 

He’s surprised he has it in him to feel hurt and ashamed.

 

And regret.

 

***

 

At times he thinks it’s getting easier.

 

At other times, he’s sure it’s worse.

 

They don’t fucking know. He still can’t make them know.

 

And still he rages, and still he mourns.

 

***

 

Scent becomes heavy, as does taste.

 

Touch is rich, and when night falls it’s by touch, when the sun rises he knows it by feel.

 

Sawyer starts to spend even more time alone if he can manage it. Sometimes he thinks of Jack, tries to imagine apologizing. Remembers the way he smells, misses the ease of communication they’d managed to create, wants what Jack still has, wants his sight and his hearing, hates that he thinks of him at all.

 

He sits, usually in the dark in the vain hope that it would bring its own blindness down on everyone else, and he tilts his head and feels. Breezes or fierce winds, touch and scent combined, they sometimes feel wet and heavy with rain and within them there is always the ocean.

 

He misses the ocean, but worse than that, now he fears it, he would be helpless even in the one part of this place that he really belonged in, belonged to, the one place that was his own.

 

But the water is no longer his.

 

He tries to satisfy himself with the muted roar of his blood as it rushes through his body, pretends it’s the sound of the waves.

 

But at least the winds bring him the scent of it, of the sea.

 

They also carry the jungle, gift him with it, and he gives it the colors of his memory, seeing of a sort, but the smell is very real, crushed and broken vegetation where someone had walked, the sweet and slow rot of leaves as they slowly sink back into the soil, returned to the earth.

 

He seeks out the various scents, unravels thread by thread the tapestry they make, and as he does his hands dig into the sand, sift through it, he runs it through his fingers before he digs deeper to where it’s damp and almost solid and he clutches it tightly before allowing it to crumble and fall away.

 

Over and over, hands gritty with sand and head lifted to the winds.

 

And somehow, a quiet that he actually welcomes settles over his mind as he caresses the earth and lets the breeze run over him, a light caress in itself, lets it soothe him to sleep, push him forward and then down into his dreams.

 

***

 

It’s on one such night that Jack comes back, falls heavily next him and clumsily slaps a bottle into one hand and a partially crushed pack of cigarettes in the other.

 

“Shit. Thank God, fuckin’ light me one now.”

 

Jack sighs, takes the pack and Sawyer smells the sharp and sweet tang of whiskey and he drinks eagerly, then sets the bottle aside and accepts the lit cigarette, inhales deeply, immediately lightheaded, too long since he’s had either.

 

Jack grabs his wrist and Sawyer waits but there’s nothing, just the slow back and forth brush of Jack’s thumb on the inside of his forearm.

 

Sawyer’s sure Jack doesn’t know what to say. He’s familiar with the feeling.

 

He knows Jack is drunk but he doesn’t pull away, instead he lets his arm relax, rest heavily on Jack’s thigh, moves it forward so that his touch is higher up, just below his elbow and Jack lets him, the slide of his thumb lengthening, elbow to wrist and then back.

 

He takes a long, deep drag of his cigarette and his eyes close automatically, too much to feel and taste and smell but he welcomes it, wants to drown in it, connected once again to the world out there but much more intensely, he’s in it, as fully as he can be.

 

“Feels good,” he says and doesn’t regret it, just finishes his cigarette and grinds it out in the sand and takes another drink of whiskey.

 

Jack’s touch continues and Sawyer just wants to lie back, let the liquid warmth of the alcohol ease through him, let Jack’s touch keep him here, in the world outside.

 

But Jack stops.

 

Sawyer sighs, waits, doesn’t speak.

 

Then touch again.

 

i’m trying. to figure it out, what happened. i’m trying.

 

“I know.”

 

Apologies exchanged.

 

***

 

you behaving yourself?

 

“Nope.”

 

no backtalk.

 

He’s cuffed again and he pretends it hurts, and he’s struck once more before he’s forced to eat.

 

***

 

The anger doesn’t ease, it simply retreats, but comes roaring back again with everyone, everyone who condescends to him or patronizes him, but he keeps it leashed.

 

Except with Jack, who lets him rage but doesn’t abandon him.

 

***

 

He sighs, shifts uncomfortably in the heat, and when Jack arrives to check his foot he’s ridiculously and humiliatingly relieved and grateful, and the anger growls in the back of his skull but he pushes it back.

 

“The son of a bitch healed up enough for me to get cleaned up? Haven’t taken a real bath since I did it, want to cool off.”

 

Jack doesn’t speak, just grasps Sawyer’s hand and pulls him to his feet.

 

***

 

He smells fresh water, smells and feels the mud on the embankment between his toes and he sighs in anticipation and hurries to rid himself of his clothes, the idea of water and soap overshadowing his resentment that he has to steady himself on Jack’s shoulder as he strips, but the anger again, and loud and fierce, comes back hard when he has trouble with the buttons of his shirt and again he feels helpless when Jack has to do it for him.

 

“You’re gonna watch, I suppose? Make sure the baby doesn’t drown in the bathwater? You know I fuckin’ hate that.”

 

He does, he hates it, and he wonders if the bitterness shows in his voice.

 

Then one painful flick to his ear makes him scowl.

 

“That’s a new one, and don’t you ever fuckin’ do it again unless you want me to beat the shit outta you again. And quit laughin’, because I know you are and that just pisses me off even more! Just back the hell off and let me do this, I won’t drown and I won’t get lost but I will kill you if you decide to swim out there and help me – I want to be done with that shit, I hate it and I hate this, hate that you have to take me everywhere, watch, help, Jesus, can’t I just fuckin’ enjoy somethin’ for a change? By myself, alone? Shit!”

 

He waits, for what he’s not sure, certainly not fucking permission, then finally Jack speaks.

 

sorry. go on i’ll wait.

 

“Wait all you want but just leave me the hell alone, got it?”

 

One tap, against his hand this time.

 

Soap is then in his hand and he feels a tremendous sense of relief and he moves hurriedly, and when the vertigo hits again he just falls forward and lets the water catch him and cradle him, safe in its cold embrace.

 

*** 

 

He’s breathless and tired because after bathing he swam, hard, as long and hard as he could, dove as deep as could, reveling in the freedom the water offered, and when his muscles become weak he reluctantly leaves the water, glad that Jack stays back, lets him find his way on his own.

 

He struggles back to the bank, uses the depth of the water guide him, then collapses.

 

But then Jack is behind him, cold as he is Sawyer feels the heat of him, breathes in the familiar smell of him, welcomes both but has no idea what Jack plans to do, then he curses as a comb drags roughly through his hair.

 

Ow, Jesus, take it easy, asshole.”

 

Why this is all right but other help isn’t Sawyer leaves alone, to think about later.

 

Jack’s touch eases, tangles are smoothed and then it’s a slow, long repetitive stroke, from forehead to the nape of his neck, the sides of his head and then back, and this combines with the exertion of his time in the water to relax him as much as he has been since this happened.

 

Then it stops and Sawyer swears, not ready for it to stop, he feels Jack laugh and he swears again, then Jack leans forward, mouth near Sawyer’s ear, says something.

 

Sawyer freezes, feels Jack starts to move so he whips one arm over his shoulder, reaches, seeks by touch, his arm slides around Jack’s neck, he pulls Jack close again.

 

“Talk.”

 

Jack stiffens and Sawyer shakes his head.

 

“Just talk.”

 

It takes an eternity but Jack finally speaks, by voice and not by hand, and Sawyer shakes as he pulls Jack closer, forces his mouth tight against his ear. Not quite hearing, he thinks, but so fucking close.

 

Jack stops, reaches for his hand.

 

“No. No, don’t, just keep talking, louder.”

 

Jack shakes now, Sawyer feels it, but he talks.

 

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

 

Jack says something else and Sawyer understands, he can’t hear it but he understands, and he answers.

 

“No, no, I can’t hear you, not exactly, but I can feel it, better than nothin’, fuck, more.”

 

Jack is confused, Sawyer knows, but still he speaks.

 

Sawyer can’t make out the words but he feels the difference between each of them; those that end hard, clipped, those are easiest to feel.

 

But the softer ones, fluid, the ones that blend into one another, he can feel those, too, and they all whisper through skin and then vibrate through blood and bone and it’s so close, so close, not actual hearing but near enough, brings the world almost within reach and he flings his head back, rests heavy on Jack’s shoulder and purely out of habit his eyes squeeze shut so he can concentrate.

 

Sawyer thinks it’s like the way it feels when he speaks himself, just further away but so much better, because it’s from out there, not from inside, from out there, the outside world.

 

They’ve never tried this, why have they never tried this, he wonders, Jack’s tests had been simple and short, stuff from behind him that remains a mystery and snaps of his fingers near Sawyer’s ears, but nothing like this.

 

Never words.

And never this close.

 

But that’s fine, Sawyer thinks, he’s already decided he will learn to tell one word from another just by feeling them whisper through his skin.

 

Jack cradles the side of his head with one hand and pulls him tight, mouth still against his ear.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, don’t stop, just keep talking.”

 

Jack talks, and Sawyer finally weeps, he had mourned but now he actually weeps, uncaring.

 

So close.

 

“Just keep talking.”

 

Jack does.

 

***

 

TBC 

57 Got Lively or Lively Up Yourself
Comments
Page 1 of 2
[1] [2]
fosfomifira From: fosfomifira Date: June 29th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, this was beautiful. It was painful, yes, because things may or may not change for Sawyer, but that final scene was so sweet, so heartbreaking I need to hug someone.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you very much and feel free to hug ME!
ficangel From: ficangel Date: June 29th, 2006 09:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
*wails* The previous part was so dark, this little glimmer of light is almost like a benediction. Screw Sawyer, I want to cry.

And it has to be said, I always love what you do with Sawyer's and Rose's relationship.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!

And you know I love Sawyer and Rose - I'd love to see her take him down a notch or two on the show.
decayd_matter From: decayd_matter Date: June 29th, 2006 10:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is goddamn beautiful. Wow.

You are a superb writer. I love this.

Absolutely brilliant. < 3
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
WOW.

Thanks so much, that floors me, in a very good way.
jenthegypsy From: jenthegypsy Date: June 29th, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Jesus H. Christ. How do you do that?

I have just experienced parts 1 & 2 in rapid succession, and all of the places that I thought "God, that is great", "Fuck-gotta hand it to her on that one", "How can she know that's how it is - 'cause that has to be how it is"...all of those thoughts that I had, all of your praises that I wanted to sing - I just can't.

I just can't.

All I can do is save them to "memories" and reread them while I wait for part 3. After that, I can pimp the whole thing out and then others who may not know of you will be struck senseless by your excellence as well.

And the Sawyer/Rose interactions - especially her taking him to task, smacking him upside the head, then holding him...fuck - yeah.

sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
*jaw drop*

Wow, thanks! That's so . . . I don't know, kind of at a loss for words, but your feedback makes me squee.

And I'm sorry I'm so late in replying; part three ate my brain.

Thanks again!
keyweegirlie From: keyweegirlie Date: June 29th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

oh wow....

The first part was so dark and angsty...and then this part... I mean it's still angsty but at least there is a bit of hope to it now. I'm sure you'll hear this from others, but I really like how you write the relationship between Rose and Sawyer, it seems that whenever she's in one of your stories, her and Sawyer just...fit

And can I tell you something, this...
Jack cradles the side of his head with one hand and pulls him tight, mouth still against his ear.

“Yeah. Yeah, don’t stop, just keep talking.”

Jack talks, and Sawyer finally weeps, he had mourned but now he actually weeps, uncaring.

So close.

“Just keep talking.”

Jack does


...just about killed me. You actually got me to tear up, yet again.

Good job, as usual ;-)
~Cassie
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: oh wow....

Thanks! I'm sorry about taking so long to respond but I was buried in part three, had to finish it because it WOULD NOT LET ME GO!
isis2015 From: isis2015 Date: June 29th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love when Sawyer and Rose are together in your fics. I like the dynamic between the two of them, and I completely understand how that reminds him of home and hurts him at the same time.

Beautiful sweetie. :) Painful, but beautiful.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
*SMOOCH*

I'm in love with Rose myself.

Thanks, darlin'!
laliu From: laliu Date: June 29th, 2006 11:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
um, i am so in awe of you right now. this is beyond sensuous--it's like synaesthesia that aches. and OMGsobreathtakinglyerotic words thru skin and sawyer's weeping! like the gift of your words for readers.

rose, you go babe!
*dies and then resurrects self to friend you*
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, thanks so much! That's wonderful to hear.

And I'm sorry it took so long for me to reply - part three was burying me alive.

Thanks again!
astra2104 From: astra2104 Date: June 29th, 2006 11:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
*sobs*
You can't do this to me!
I mean, I was already devestated after the first part, and then this!
*sobs some more*

Still have no words for feedback, though. Words couldn't do it justice.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Any kind of feedback is good feedback for me. ;)

Thanks!
cmonkatiekatie From: cmonkatiekatie Date: June 30th, 2006 01:22 am (UTC) (Link)
So, I don't quite know what to say at this point. This is just so...I don't want to say beautiful, because its so much more than that, but it really is so beautiful. I can't wait to see where you go with it.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow. Thanks yet again!

I have to apologize for not responding sooner; I was obsessed with finishing part three.
eponine119 From: eponine119 Date: June 30th, 2006 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)
So many fascinating things in this. Like the fact that Sawyer can talk, say anything he wants, do anything he wants, and to some degree he doesn't have to worry about peoples' reactions. He's cut off from them.

Nice use of Rose. Really liked that.

I have to wonder if the island's accelerated healing thing will help Sawyer out -- or if that's what's done this to him in the first place. Not that, you know, you're necessarily writing a bit plot-heavy story, but I still wonder about it.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
All fic aside, I've wondered about that, too, and I also wonder if the discharge means the end of the healing or if it accelerates it.
spade From: spade Date: June 30th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC) (Link)
I love Rose! And this is wonderful and very poignant. I'm looking forward to the final installment!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love Rose, too. LOTS.

Thanks!
From: julyqueen Date: June 30th, 2006 02:31 am (UTC) (Link)
But what if death is simply an eternity of this, dark and silence and only himself and his demons for company?<i Wow, that line. So damn chilling. Loved the use of Rose in this. And I was totally transfixed by the last section, Sawyer pleading with Jack to talk. So moving :)
invisiblelove From: invisiblelove Date: June 30th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC) (Link)
This story is SO amazing. I love how Jack and Sawyer have developed this communication through touch. Wonderful stuff. I'm so very excited for the final part!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, thank you! And I apologize for not replying sooner, I HAD to get it finished.
zelda_zee From: zelda_zee Date: June 30th, 2006 03:07 am (UTC) (Link)
This fic is so intense. And beautiful. I really love it. You made me cry again! I am nervous for the last part, but willing to go there, no matter what happens.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
So LATE in responding; sorry!

Thanks all over the place, though, esp. sticking through to the end.

*hugs*
hkath From: hkath Date: June 30th, 2006 03:12 am (UTC) (Link)
GOOD CHRIST! I haven't even replied to the comments to Part One and I'm already posting Part Two. SORRY!

Dwd, I hadn't even had a chance to read the first part by the time you posted this one! So here's a twofer.

I think this is really beautiful. I think it has real meaning, which isn't to say that other fic is meaningless, but... you know what I mean. The idea is heartbreaking and intriguing at the same time, and I love how slowly it's progressing. I hope the next part comes just as quickly!!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whoa, thanks!

And sorry for not replying sooner; part three totally took me over.
cynthia_arrow From: cynthia_arrow Date: June 30th, 2006 06:25 am (UTC) (Link)
I have no idea what to say.

No idea.
cynthia_arrow From: cynthia_arrow Date: June 30th, 2006 09:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Maybe I'm a little more coherent today. Hopefully. :)

The thing that struck me the most here was how in character everyone was, how this is exactly how they'd all react. Especially Jack's push and pull with Sawyer, his letting Sawyer abuse him just because he couldn't do anything else to help him, but also his refusing to take too much of it, knowing on some level it's unhealthy.

But above and beyond that, you've done such an amazing job of immersing us in Sawyer's world, taking your time to really build and explain so that it doesn't feel like you've just told us what he was thinking and feeling, but you've shown it too.

I love the section where he and Jack share a cigarette. i’m trying. to figure it out, what happened. i’m trying.
“I know.”
Apologies exchanged.
So perfect.

I read both parts straight through, and now if you don't post the third part soon, I'll have to come find you and kick your ass. Or just continue to wait impatiently...and grumble.

*smooches* This really is fabulous: exactly what we want out of Jack and Sawyer's relationship, and it will be EARNED, not just assumed. As much as I adore it when you write teh shameless smut, you do such a wonderful job with these boys all dark and broken.
sassafras224 From: sassafras224 Date: June 30th, 2006 09:17 am (UTC) (Link)
How the HELL do you come up with this stuff?!? This story and Bedtime Stories are both so angsty and believable and just perfect. The plots are creative and interesting, and your writing style is unbelievably powerful. I can't get enough!!

I'm glad you addressed Sawyer's worry that death might be more of what he's experiencing now, because after Part 1 I was wondering about why he didn't try to kill himself (not that I would want that; it just seemed in line with his character). But your explaination makes perfect sense and also fits in with Sawyer's character-- as does the way he is baiting Jack and trying to push people away. I love it when people really GET Sawyer, and I especially love stories that touch on those dark, broken aspects of his psyche. I don't know why; I just do.

Much applause and goveling to you, m'friend. Keep up the excellent work!

- Sass

P.S. I am going to be very offended if you put the next part up before responding to my comments. I prefer to NOT have excellent stories available quickly because I so enjoy the agony of waiting. *kidding* For serious... don't you DARE apologize for putting this up so soon! I promise, no one is out here thinking "Dammit, I didn't get to wait very long for the second part." (Or if they are, I feel it's safe to say there is something wrong with them.)

P.P.S. Please don't forget about Bedtime Stories! I understand if it takes a while and I'll wait as long as I need to, no problem-- just promise it won't join the swelling ranks of Abandoned Lost Stories. There are too many abandoned fics out there (including mine *cringes in shame*), and your stuff is just too good to wind up unfinished. :)
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!

I'll get back to 'Bedtime Stories' as soon as I can.
kattahj From: kattahj Date: June 30th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
At first I just thought "yay, more!" but then I started reading, and I got swept up not just the way I was before (and from that other story, the wolf one - sorry, I stink at remembering titles) but if possible even more. And Jesus, that last scene... I'm moved, and kind of tearful, and at the same time it's so incredibly hot.

You've really made my day. :-)
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, thanks so very much! My apolgies for being so late in replying, part three took over everything.
alliecat8 From: alliecat8 Date: June 30th, 2006 07:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was just so far beyond good that I don't think I have the words to express it. I thought that "Bedtime Stories" was my new favorite of your fic, but now I'm thinking maybe it's this series. They're both so, so fabulous.

I love the way Rose mothers Sawyer. It's tough love, but it's genuine love and he seems to recognize that and appreciate it. I agree with the others, they have such a great dynamic in your fics. I hope we get to see some of that in canon eventually, as well.

You've really given a good sense of Sawyer's frustration as he struggles for independence, and Jack's somewhat parallel frustration with his own helplessness. And of course, naturally they'd take it out on each other, but I love how they're working through it, slowly. I think you're pacing this story really well, because I do think that it would take a lot of small steps before Sawyer ever made the big leap into trust. I love Jack for not giving up on him.

I got shivers when Sawyer felt Jack's words "whispering through his skin." And the last little bit broke me into a million pieces. I love this fic so much, and I love you for writing it! (and for a lot of other reasons, too!)

sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
ARGH YOU ALWAYS KILL ME WITH THE FEEDBACK ARGH!

Thanks AGAIN, for lots and lots of things and for this.

*LOVES*
sawyersparrow From: sawyersparrow Date: June 30th, 2006 07:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Another brilliant chapter! I glad that Jack isnt giving up on Sqawyer even though hes making it damn hard for him.

Poor Sawyer crying in the end, hopefully he starts to heal a bit more after that and gets some well deserved lovin'!

Cant wait for the next part!!!!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, again! I always appreciate your comments, and I apologize for not replying sooner.
kataclysmic From: kataclysmic Date: July 1st, 2006 10:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Having been completely obsessed by a new fandom in the last week or two, I didn't read this immediately, and I can't believe I deprived myself; both parts were just beautiful, and the final scene on this part was stunning.

I can't wait to read part three.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, thank you and thanks again!

Sorry it took me so long to reply; I was up to my neck trying to finish part three.

Again, huge thanks!
coffeegirl18 From: coffeegirl18 Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Ooo it's sad but not really depressing or anything. All the characters are exactly spot on. Poor Sawyer, he finally relaxes with Jack...that's cute. Continue soon.

Jazz
coffeegirl18 From: coffeegirl18 Date: July 2nd, 2006 12:10 am (UTC) (Link)
I forgot to mention I love your writing style...everything just seems to flow and when you write about Sawyer sensing thing the imagery is gorgeous... I love the part where you mentioned he used to love the water and he must overcome that challenge.
Gtg.
Jazz
caelent From: caelent Date: July 3rd, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am loving this!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
bbmarcello From: bbmarcello Date: July 3rd, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
So, random thoughts:
Yes, yes, excellent. But, oh so frustrating, don't these boys realise that the best way they can communicate (in my mind anyway) is through the language of sweet, sweet, preferably nekkid, lurve, le sigh.
Is it wrong that I enjoy Sawyer getting cuffed round the ear, like a naughty boy?
Could practically feel Jack's words right up against my ear - whole new meaning to aural, love it.
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! And apologies for not responding sooner - part three wouldn't let go until I'd finished it.
gonattsaga From: gonattsaga Date: July 3rd, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
...aha. well, then.

just ignore my comment for the previous part and insert it here instead! ;)
this part was equally awesome, i really loved it, the way he he actually talks to them without hearing! it's an amazing idea! keep it up!

more!
sweet_crazyass From: sweet_crazyass Date: July 4th, 2006 12:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hee! Thanks again!
57 Got Lively or Lively Up Yourself
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